When your help lands differently than you meant it
This page is for parents of neurodivergent teenagers and young adults aged 14 to 25. The work is with your child — they are the client, and their goals are what count. Parents are involved where it helps and where it has been agreed. This is not separate parent coaching, family therapy or parenting advice. You can arrange the free introductory call as a parent as well.
You can see your child struggling. You remind, you organise, you stay on top of it — and the more you do, the less of it seems to land. What was meant as support is heard as control. What looks like refusal is sometimes exhaustion.
Both can be true at the same time. That is where the work starts.
What does not happen here
This comes before everything else so you do not have to read three paragraphs to discover you are looking for something different.
- No separate parent coaching. There is no programme you work through as a parent. This page describes an audience, not a second service.
- No family therapy and no parenting advice. Both are their own fields, with their own remit and their own legal basis.
- No diagnostic assessment. Whether an assessment makes sense is not something a coaching session decides.
- No psychotherapy, no medical treatment, no crisis service.
- No taking sides against your child — and none against you. This is not about who is right.
Who the client is
Your child. Not you, and not the family as a whole.
That is not a formality. A teenager who suspects the conversation will be reviewed at home afterwards will not say what is actually going on. The session is then expensive and useless. Trust only exists where it is clear that things are not passed on.
For you that means: you do not get a report on what was discussed. What you are told is agreed beforehand, together with your child — not afterwards, and not behind their back.
How you are still involved
Being involved is not the same as reading along. What is possible includes:
- a conversation with all three of us, where everyone agrees to it
- arrangements about what should work differently at home, without disclosing what was discussed
- your view of the situation at the start — that matters, even where it differs from your child’s view
- feedback on whether the work is holding, without what was said
Which of these makes sense depends on age, on the situation, and on what your child is willing to carry. With minors this is additionally agreed in writing before the start, together with the legal exceptions that apply for protection.
When your child does not want to
This is the most common reason parents get in touch, and it is not unusual.
Coaching against a young person’s will does not work — cooperation cannot be prescribed. What can be done is to find out what the refusal is attached to. Often it is not aimed at help as such, but at a particular experience of it. Someone who has repeatedly had it explained what is wrong with them will understandably not say yes to the next offer straight away.
There is more on this under When your child refuses help.
What you can do now
You can arrange the free introductory call as a parent, without your child being there. In 20 to 30 minutes we work out what this is about, whether coaching is the right thing at all, and what a start might look like that your child could accept.
If it turns out that something else is needed, I will say so.
You may recognise one of these
Not a checklist and not a diagnostic question. Just a few sentences parents say again and again in first conversations.
As a parent
- I am reminding them for the fifth time about the same thing, and I hate who it turns me into.
- At home it boils over regularly. At school they tell us nothing stands out.
- I cannot tell when to step in and when to stay out of it.
- We have an explanation now. What to actually do with it on a Tuesday morning, I still do not know.
- Every piece of advice we get seems to be meant for a different child.
The second bridge
When parents and teenagers talk past each other
With teenagers the bridge runs in both directions: it is not only the young person who needs to make sense of their surroundings, parents also need to understand what is actually going on with their child.
Two sentences that are often true at the same time:
-
The teenager experiences
My parents are checking up on me constantly.
-
The parents experience
If we are not on top of it, nothing happens.
Both are understandable, and neither is the other side being at fault. My job is not to win one side over, but to make understanding between the perspectives possible and to build solutions from it that hold up in everyday life.
What working together then looks like
The work is with the young person — they are the client, and their goals are what count. Parents are involved where it helps and where it has been agreed. What parents are told is clarified beforehand, not decided behind the young person’s back.
You can arrange the introductory call as a parent as well.
Arrange an introductory call How I work, my stance and its limits
What is said in coaching stays in coaching
Coaching only works if it is possible to speak honestly. Confidentiality is therefore not a side note but the basis.
- When you are the client
- What we talk about is not automatically passed on to your parents. What parents hear is agreed together and in advance, not afterwards.
- Parent involvement is agreed, not assumed
- Whether, when and about what parents are involved is part of setting goals at the start. It is never taken as read.
- For minors, additionally in writing
- Consent, information sharing, parent involvement and the safeguarding exceptions are agreed in writing before we start, so that everyone involved knows the same things.
- Confidentiality has limits
- There are legal and safety-related exceptions — for instance where there is serious risk to you or to others. I name those limits in advance, not only when they apply.
We go through the specific arrangements in the introductory call and put them in writing before the work begins.
Common questions
Do I need a diagnosis to start coaching?
No. A formal diagnosis is not a requirement. Specialising in ADHD and autism shapes how I understand and work, not who is allowed to come. Where a diagnosis exists, that knowledge feeds in; where it does not, we work from what you actually experience day to day.
How is coaching different from psychotherapy?
Coaching works on the present situation and on concrete steps: understanding, deciding, acting, reviewing. Psychotherapy treats mental health conditions under a different remit, different methods and a different legal basis. Bridge & Bloom does not provide psychotherapy, diagnostic assessment or medical treatment. If it becomes clear that something else is needed, I say so.
What does Bridge & Bloom explicitly not offer?
No ADHD or autism assessment, no psychotherapy, no medical or psychiatric treatment, no crisis or emergency service, no official careers guidance, no case management and no legal advice. Also no consultancy for employers, HR or managers. Where one of those is needed, I point you onward.
Will my parents be told what I say in coaching?
Not automatically. If you are the client, the conversation is confidential. Whether and what your parents are told is agreed together at the start. For people under 18 this is additionally put in writing before we begin, together with the legal exceptions that apply for safeguarding.
Written by Fatmatu Jalloh. Last updated .
Find out whether it fits
The introductory call takes 20 to 30 minutes, is free and commits you to nothing. We look at what brings you here, how I work and whether coaching is the right thing for your situation. It is explicitly not a free coaching session.
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