Communication and self-advocacy

Knowing what you need is not the same as being able to say it

Between the inner sentence “this cannot go on” and a sentence you can actually say to a teacher, a manager or your own family, there is a whole stretch of ground.

Sometimes the words are missing. Sometimes it is clear what you want to say but not how it will land without escalating. Sometimes you have tried three times and heard each time: “everyone does it that way.”

And sometimes you do not yet know precisely yourself — you only notice that something is wrong.

What the work covers

Recognising what is actually missing

Before something can be asked for, it has to be nameable. Often the first step is not the conversation but the question: what exactly is hard here, and what would make it easier? “Too loud” is information. “I cannot stand it” is a feeling — both are true, but only one can be negotiated.

Finding words that fit you

Not a script from a guidebook that feels wrong in your mouth. We look for phrasing you would actually use — shorter, more direct or more polite, depending on what works for you.

Preparing conversations

What do you want to achieve? What is the minimum you would settle for? In what order will you say it? What do you start with if you only have two minutes? What do you do if the answer is no?

Preparation does not take the discomfort out of a conversation. It takes out the unpredictability — and that is usually the part that costs so much.

Setting limits before it is too late

Saying no while it is still possible, rather than only when nothing works any more. This is one of the hardest exercises for people who learned that going along means less trouble.

Making sense of it afterwards

After the conversation we look at it together: what actually happened? What of it was down to you, what to the other person, what to the situation? That review matters more than the conversation itself, because it carries into the next one.

When it goes wrong

Sometimes the other side does not react as hoped. That is not proof that you did it wrong, and not a reason to stop trying. We look at what is possible when one route does not work — and when it is wiser to leave it.

Self-advocacy does not mean fighting everything

Standing up for yourself does not mean contesting every injustice. That would be a full-time job and would cost exactly the energy this is about.

So part of the work is also the question: where is the effort worth it, where is it not, and what do I deliberately leave alone? That is not capitulation. It is budgeting limited energy.

When I come to a conversation with you

Within an existing coaching relationship I can, in selected situations, be present at an important conversation — at a school or a workplace, for instance.

The purpose is explicitly not to speak for you. It is that you speak, and that someone is there who holds the thread if it breaks, and who reviews with you afterwards what happened.

Whether that makes sense in a given case is agreed beforehand. It is not a separate service you can book, and it is not legal representation.

For parents

When your child does not stand up for themselves in conversations, the obvious reflex is to take over. In the short term that often works — in the long term the ability stays where it was.

How you can support without taking over the speaking can be talked through in the introductory call. Whether and how you are involved is agreed there, not assumed.